God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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