I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
