oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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