i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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