Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
