She's JV to your varsity
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
