whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
