I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
