She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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