I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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