I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
