its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
