so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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