i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
