his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
