8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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