Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
