i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
