I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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