i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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