I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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