I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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