The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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