a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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