Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
