That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
