Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
