I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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