my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
