You're so nebulous sometimes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
