I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
