I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
