you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
