i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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