Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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