you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
