he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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