she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
