I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
