It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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