Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
