There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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