He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
