Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
