God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
