I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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