Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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