Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize
