These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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