would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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