You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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