just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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