I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
