well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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