Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
