Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
