I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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