Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
