Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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