remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
