We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
