NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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