you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
