I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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