oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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