Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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