He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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