So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
