I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
