He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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